


Be Honest

by CinMan



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Netflix
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, M/M, Mental illness is not used as a plot device for the villain, psychopathic character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-12 14:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16874937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinMan/pseuds/CinMan
Summary: Agent Poindexter finds himself intrigued by his colleague, Agent Nadeem. The two find themselves in a unique relationship with one another.(Not in MCU)





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Dex meets Ray Nadeem, he instantly knows that he’s too soft to be anywhere near the agency. Nadeem's smile is the first genuine one he’s seen in week’s. 

He can’t say much because Dex has difficulty forming relationships outside of work, but when weeks pass after their formal introduction. Their distance eats Dex away. He keeps a close eye on Ray. The new FBI agent Ray is a little older than him, has a wife, a son and most might say he is an all around model for someone with a perfect life. Dex would usually hate a guy like him, but usually, guys like Rahul Nadeem were arrogant and flashy scumbags that were much harder to tolerate. 

Ray Nadeem, without beckoning, comes to Dex. He molds into Dex's life. They greet each other every morning, assist each other during cases and say their goodbyes, almost ritually. 

It happens without meaning to, Dex follows him home. He watches as Ray gets out of his car and opens the door of his suburban house. The blinds are open and through the night. He watches Ray kiss his wife on the cheek and pat his son’s head before disappearing upstairs. It’s strange for Dex. To imagine the need for a family.

A year passes. Nadeem comes to work one day. He seems quieter. More serious and less perky. While there had been a time early in their partnership when Dex wouldn’t have cared to see such a change in Nadeems mood. On that day, it unsettles him. 

Dex corners Ray in the break room.

“Hey Ray” Dex manages out a voice of polite friendliness as opposed to his usual disinterested one.

“Hey! Dex. Whats up?” Ray perks up yet his voice sounds drained, and the skin under his eyes are dark. He seems sleep deprived.

“Are you... feeling okay?” Dex forms the sentence with a little difficulty. 

“That obvious, huh?” Nadeem scoffs at his own immaturity. He hates not being able to perform his job to his best capability but recently his mind has been occupied with other matters. 

“It’s nothing. Just didn’t sleep well. Man, you know, we’ve been having some financial issues.”

“Yeah? That must be hard" Dex says subconsciously. 

“It’s okay. I just need to get some sleep" Nadeem brushes it off. 

“Look, if you need a drink sometime. I’ll be more than happy to join you” Nadeem looks up from his coffee. As if seeing Dex in a new light. Everyone in the FBI knew Dex was a guarded guy. Absolutely no one knew where he lived, who he slept with or almost anything remotely personal about the guy. Ray began to believe that Dex was a much nicer guy than anyone had suspected. 

“Sure. How about tonight?” Ray asks, genuinely needing alcohol in his system. 

“Yes! Yeah. I mean, I’m okay with that" Dex beams a little. Ray is taken back by Dex's eagerness. The corners of his mouth curve as he smirks at the other agent. 

“See you then" He pats Dex's forearm and leaves the breakroom with his coffee. 

 

***

They find a quiet bar that Ray suggests. 

"Can't believe I missed this promotion again. I think I need to get a financial advisor or something" Nadeem grimaces as he sips his whiskey. His body hums with the alcohol and his mind trails with the jazz music in the background. 

"No you don't. You couldn't have known your sister would get sick, Ray" Dex comforts but instantly regrets it.

“Wait? How do you know about that?” Ray is shocked to say the least. He hadn't told anyone about that yet. Nadeem frowns, his mind picking up red signals but he stays. Mainly because a part of him trusts Dex. He waits for Dex to say something like 'you accidentally mentioned it' or 'I heard you talking to your wife about it on the phone'. Although, Nadeem is sure from Dex's panicked face, this is something much more regrettable. 

“Dex. Breathe.” Ray leans in and orders Dex in a clear voice. 

“Breathe. Think about it and answer honestly.”

“I... I have been watching you"

“Stalking? Me?” Ray's eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. 

“NO!" Dex shouts. When people look their way, Dex clears his throat. 

“You don’t understand. I was just following you. I’m... I’m not like you" Dex starts. His heart beating a little bit faster. He hadn’t admitted the truth to anyone after her. 

“What the hell does that mean? Dex. Stay away from my family” Ray is getting up when Dex grips his hand on the table. Urging him to stay. 

“Wait. Just hear me out. If you never want to speak to me after, I'll understand and I’ll leave" Dex pledges. Nadeem looks where Dex's hand grips on top of his darker one. He huffs and brushes the hand off. 

Ray stares at him, mad and confused. Then, he truly looks, he looks at the pleading and desperation which is so bizarre on Agent Poindexter's face. The man infront of him is more a mystery now than ever. He intends to understand him. He can’t let this go, not even if he wanted to. How does a skilled FBI agent like Benjamin Poindexter, a handsome and young man end up stalking an almost middle aged married man such as himself? So Nadeem sits and waits for the blonde man’s explanation. 

“Ever since I was young. I’ve had a hard time talking to people. Understanding people. Caring for people. I have these uncontrollable urges and I need order. I need routine just to fight this... this awful voice inside of me. I had a woman who helped me through it, but she’s dead. She was my Northstar.”

“NorthStar?” Nadeem questions. 

“When there are mentally challenged people, it’s often reccomended for them to find someone who can guide them. You’re good with people like I have never been. You care about your job, your family. I just needed to be like you. I didn’t want to scare you by following you. I just needed someone.” 

By the time Dex is finished. Nadeem is breathing a little heavily. His sleep deprived brain is dysfunctioning bit by bit. 

“So is it spoiopathic tendencies?”

“Psychopathic but I'm not dangerous” Dex corrects him. Looking sheepishly back at his partner. He hates that word but it beats losing Nadeem for the rest of his life.

“Alright” Nadeem gets off his stool.

“How about we get another drink tomorrow and talk about this" Nadeem suggests, too kind to do otherwise to a friend. Dex swallows. Nadeem swears he sees a sparkle in his eyes.

“Yes. Thank you. I’d like that" He smiles, fear dissolving away from his face. Nadeem wonders how much of that is real. He pats Dex's shoulder and leaves. Dex wants to follow but he stays.

***

When Nadeem gets home, no one is there. A fact Dex had missed because Seema left that morning. Nadeem had seen it coming, but it still hurts. It hurts like a bitch. It’s for the best, he tells himself because lately he couldn’t keep her happy with everything. She did what anyone would have. He just never wished for his son to grow up in a broken family. Nadeem opens the door of his house. It’s dark inside unlike most days, he enters, gloomy and aching with regret.

He gets to his room, forgets dinner, calls his son, undresses, gets in bed and googles everything there is about psychopathy.

***

Soon the two have a better relationship. Nadeem tells Dex what he should do and what he shouldn’t during work. He even encourages him to date but Dex detests the idea.

Dex grows attached to him and it gives him satifaction when Nadeems eyes always find his in a crowded room. Nadeem doesn’t cower away from him, he always tries, and in the end, it works. Dex feels more balanced, less homicidal and more content with his life through their friendship. Which changes one night after Thanksgiving.

Dex goes to Nadeem's house. He knocks a few times before Nadeem actually opens the door. It’s a little unordinary for them to see each other without their suits and work attire. Nadeem wears grey sweatpants and a white soccer shirt. Dex wears black jeans, a black shirt and a green jacket. Nadeem shivers when he opens the door, quickly shutting it behind Dex. It’s cold as Autumn comes to an end.

Nadeem knows that Dex doesn’t have any plans outside of work and usually wants to meet him on his days off work. So he isn’t surprised by his sudden appearance.

They both sit on the couch comfortably and watch a soccer game. Dex occasionally lossing interest and sipping his beer.

When Nadeem flaps around in the seat next to him. He flashes him a look.

“C'MON thats a red card!” Ray shouts at his plasma.

“Yeah. That was a fowl.” Despite his lack of interest, Dex had been watching closely.

“Ofcourse thats a fowl, these idiots!” Nadeem groans. He looks at Dex, back at the screen and then back at Dex.

“You don’t even like soccer. Do you?"

“It’s okay"

“Be honest"

“It’s boring and a waste of time" Nadeem smiles after hearing that.

“Hah! You sound like my wife" Ray says. Dex flinches. Irritated.

“You didn’t like that. Did you?” Nadeem questions and Dex folds his arms, defiant. Nadeem mutes the game on screen. Since Dex won’t talk, he continues.

“You know I did some research on you since you stalked me and all" Nadeem seems to get his attention now. Dex sits up and looks at Nadeem. A little scared. As scared as an emotionally ambiguous and masked face as Dex could show.

“I heard what you did to your baseball couch. He was good to you too Dex. It wasn't an accident was it? Would you... would you ever do something like that to me, if I made you unhappy?”

“Ray” Dex starts.

“Be honest” Nadeem interrupts. His expression is unclear, but it cuts Dex deeply.

“I wouldn’t” Dex looks away and down at his beer. He feels vulnerable. He hates it. Nadeem is pushing him, NorthStars are prone to do that so Dex doesn’t run.

“Hmm. Why not?” Nadeem is curious.

“Because... because I can’t lose someone again” Dex answers.

“Because that hurts?” Nadeem asks, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. Dex is glad he’s avoiding eye contact.

“No because it makes me angry and I get lost afterwards" Dex blinks, strangely feeling anew by his own thoughts.

“So that’s what this...” Nadeem is interrupted because suddenly, Dex's lips are on his own. His eyes enlarge and his stomach does a flip. Nadeem reclines backwards until his spine hits the armrest and Dex follows. One hand on the couch and one on Nadeem's thigh. It’s over quickly and Nadeem is lost for words. Agent Nadeem's face burns at the thought of another man kissing him. His heart beats frantically against his ribcage and his face doesn’t stop heating until he’s on fire like a lit match.

“That’s not what this is" Dex says, his breath fanning Ray due to their close proximity. Nadeem swallows. Poindexter is a handsome man and Nadeem isn’t one to judge someone based on their sexuality but he had not seen this coming.

“Dex. Man. I... I don’t think of you in that way" Instantly, Dex clenches his jaw, he draws away. Infuriated by rejection and fuelled by anger. A part of him wants to put his hands around Nadeem's throat until he says he wants him and until there's a dark bruise. Dex breathes out slowly.

“Im sorry Dex. I should let you know. I’m... I’ve never done this before.”

“Neither have I" Dex states.

“Should we forget about this?”

 _No. Don’t do this_. But what escapes Dex's lips is a soft, “Yeah"

 


	2. Chapter 2

“I should go" Dex says, after he grows uncomfortable by their silence. Nadeem bites his tongue before he can say something stupid. He just watches Dex grab his jacket and leave without so much as a goodbye. When he hears the door close, he groans into the palm of his hand. Still incredibly alerted by their shared kiss. Every time he thinks about Poindexter's lips on his, his face heats up like a school boy. He lays on the couch and tries to concentrate on the game. 

When Poindexter arrives home, his mind is cluttered and anxious. He opens his safe and grabs the box of recorded tapes. 

Dex felt conflicted. He had no need for a romantic relationship. He couldn’t even understand the concept of love. No one had ever shown him unconditional love besides Mercer. He hurriedly searches for a specific tape and puts the ear phones on. Suddenly he’s fourteen again, sitting on her couch, asking her for love advice. 

_Dex. I know that you don’t care and that you’re angry at her. But all that rage and apathy will consume you. You need to decide whether you’re more than your neurological condition. Look at me._

Dex gribs the tape recorder tightly and shuts his eyes. 

_You are more. I know because you’ve been listening and learning so well. And I know you Dex. You want to try. You want to be your own person. You’re angry she left you because you think you don’t want anyone to ever act against you. But the truth is, thats ordinary. Just don’t let it consume you like the rest of us do. Stop trying to convince yourself that you’re evil. You’re just a man. You will feel hurt, you will feel love. Let this go, be more powerful than that voice we’ve been learning to control. Not for the sake of fitting in society, but because you want to be happy. I know plenty of people like you who thought they were never capable of loving but they’re in happy relationships right now. Dex? Are you listening?_

_Yes._

_It’ll take time for you to find someone who’ll understand you. Who you'll feel more than rage for. But if you don’t believe in this cause or what we’re doing here then it’ll never work. Let this go._

When listening to Mercer's tapes do no good against his racing mind, he yanks the recorder off. Standing up, he screams and punches the wall with all his fury. The wall breaks and his fist sticks inside the foundation of his house. 

Ray was special, he wasn’t condescending or manipulative to Dex's condition. Ray was considerate. Thinking about agent Nadeem drove him insane. Breathing started to feel difficult to Dex.

“Fuck" He massaged the bridge of his nose. He had to let this go. His phone buzzes. He took it out of his pocket and saw that Ray had left him a message. A part of him wants to desperately obliterate the device in his hand, but he opens the message instead. Swallowing down his anxieties. 

Ray Nadeem: See you at work tomorrow. Goodnight. 

Dex lets out a shaky breath and texts back. Ray sees the reply message pop up instantly. 

Dexxx: Goodnight. 

Ray smiles and sleeps. 

The next day at work, both of the agents seem normal to one another. Ray acts as if nothing had happened between the two. Even if his heart beats faster every time Dex looks towards him, or when Dex exerts smugness because his drug bust goes well. He sneaks glances towards Ray when their colleagues are congratulating him. Something foreign in his eyes and Ray suddenly felt intoxicated by it. He smiles and nods at Dex. Giving Dex the validation that he was seeking from him.

The FBI force go out for drinks. Dex sits next to Ray. Ray talks to his mate while Dex fumbles to keep a conversation. 

“I’ll go get some more drinks" Dex excuses himself. Ray's eyes follow him across the dimly lit bar, meanwhile his friend Henry talks about cars absent mindedly as Rays attention deteriorates away from their conversation. 

Something catches Ray's attention entirely, a young woman approaches Dex. From what Ray can see, she’s wearing a short black dress , has long red hair, a small waist and big breasts. Ray swallows his drink, it burns down his throat Ray watches Dex, who smirks at the Redhead. Something twists inside of him. Something he instantly interprets as jealousy. The Redhead looks nothing like him, yet Dex flirts with her in front of his eyes. 

“Ray, you alright?” Henry asks. Ray snaps out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah, yeah. I just remembered. I was supposed to call the wife" Ray laughed nervously. He hadn’t spoken about his separation with Seema to anyone aside from Dex.

“Someone's in the dog house!” Henry bursts with laughter, drunk off his arse. 

Ray leaves while Dex is still occupied with the woman. He walks out into the cool night, which helps cool his head. He wanders into a small alley by the bar. It is quiet and dark. His shadow grows out in front of him like a branch. 

He wants to go home but he knows Dex wouldn’t forgive him for leaving without a goodbye. Especially not after yesterday, Dex wouldn’t handle that well. He’d assume that Ray still cared about that kiss. Did he?

“Ray?” he hears Agent Poindexter's voice behind him, he turns abruptly. Dex's silhouette is pitch black against the lamp post on the street. 

“Sorry, I just needed some air" Ray says, not sure what he was apologizing for. He gives Dex a tight smile. Dex stares at Ray, his hair perfect as always and his skin golden in the street light, his words sincere yet sceptical. Dex moves closer. 

“Is something wrong?” Dex said, his voice cold and harsh. Ray swallowed. 

“No. Everything’s fine. It’s just hard being in there with everything lately.” Ray truly believed that if Ray could, he’d have already called Seema to ask her for advice about his sudden relationship with Dex, she was his bestfriend, but he couldn’t. Things were still tense with them. Much like with him and Dex at this moment. 

“Okay” Dex says, sounding as apprehensive as he felt. 

“You should go back to her" Ray says and Dex frowns. 

“I mean it’s good to have someone else in your life, Dex" Ray adds. 

“I don’t need anyone else" Dex says. Ray heart beats faster while trying to contemplate the gravity of that statement. He felt sorrow for Dex for him to believe something that bizarre and isolating.

“Everyone d...” Ray begins but Dex interrupts. Something itching at his skin. 

“Stop. Ray. I can’t do that to someone" Dex says.

“There are plenty of women who’d be okay with that part of you" Ray knew he was running away from himself but he didn’t want Dex to fall for him without looking at all his options.

“No they wouldn’t be. What if I do something wrong... what if she does something wrong and I can’t stop myself?” Dex spits out, his voice getting louder. 

“Dex. You can’t think like that" Ray says, barely convincing.

“No one would want me the way I am, and that’s the truth. I’m fine with it. You should accept it too" Dex spits out with anger. 

“I do" Ray snaps back.

“Good" Dex says. 

“No, I want you" Ray says, barely a whisper as he registers his won thoughts. 

“Don’t pity me. You could barely kiss me" Dex fumes. Ray walks towards Dex in the dark. He crowds him and leans in, putting his hands on Dex's cold face and ears. Then he kisses him. 

Ray wasn’t sure if he could move on so quickly, he’d only ever loved Seema all his life. Although Dex's obsession with him had ignited something in him. 

As soon as Dex kisses him back, clutches him tightly, Ray is lost in his embrace. Dex grips him closer, pushes forward where he meets warm lips. His body hums with Ray's. Feeling something new entirely as he leans to kiss his partner. 

Dex didn’t understand the sentiments people had with traditional heterosexual relationships. Kissing a man felt ordinary to him but Ray was still shocked by his new desires. Yet, he boldly swipes his tongue across the fullness of Dex's bottom lip, he’s surprised when Dex moans and open's his mouth, but he pulls away. His breath warm on Rays face.

“Come back to my place” Dex says. His voice sounds wrecked and somehow thats the hottest thing Ray has ever heard in his life. Ray moves off Dex. When Ray accepts, it is an amalgamation of Ray not wanting to be alone for another night and because he was curious with Dex. 

When they get to Dex's place. Ray needs to blink twice to fully process how clean and bland Dex's apartment is. 

“Damn. You live like this? You must hate my place" Ray joked.

“It’s a mess. I hate it” Dex says as he shrugs off his jacket and coat. Ray follows.

“No need to sugar coat it.” Ray added. 

Dex scoffs, he does that thing where he lifts his chin and looks through dark hooded eyes. A smirk playing on his lips, for that moment, Ray feared Dex would devour him. 

Dex loosens his tie. His pristine white shirt merges with the interior of his apartment. He moves towards Ray, yanking him onto the couch by his left arm. Ray doesn’t resist, he falls onto the grey couch.

What he doesn’t expect is Dex to get on his knees in between his legs. Dex was no stranger to sex. Usually he’d rather have had unattached sex. His only experiences were with men and women who he’d only pay later. Dex couldn’t feel love or empathy but he had hoped for it since he was fourteen. It was a choice he made a long time ago and he had lost faith, until now. 

Ray registers what was happening when Dex is undoing his belt. 

“You don’t... have to do that” Ray manages to speak by the time Dex is pulling his zipper down. Dex looks up.

“I know that. Can you let me?” Dex remembers to ask. Ray looks down at Dex in the clear light of his apartment. Wondering what those lips will feel like around him, swallowing him down. Ray lifts his hips. 

“Yeah" he says and Dex pulls off his pants along with his briefs. Ray is flushed when his cock is free against his thigh. Its still soft but Dex mouth is already on him. His tongue brushing against the tip. 

Ray moans as blood rushes to his lower region. He had been flushed when they merely shared a kiss, this interaction was quickening his heart beat enough to kill him. His eyes meet Dex's, who moans around his hardening cock, sending a shiver down Ray's spine. 

Dex's saliva slicks down his length as Dex takes him in further. With the same precision and skill Dex exerts on duty. Ray manages to not look away. His face flushing hot at the small sounds Dex makes while sucking him. Dex plays with his head using his tongue. Ray moans, which adds to his embarrassment. 

“Dex" he prays, moving a hand to grasp at the other man’s hair. Dex closes his eyes at the touch. Dex mouth begins to swallow his entire length, Ray manages not to push into the warmth of Dex's sinful mouth. 

Dex moves Ray's shirt from his abdomen and releases his cock. Ray whines in response, being so close to releasing. He watches as Dex holds it in his hand and takes one of his balls in his mouth, sucking while making obscene sounds. Ray grits his teeth, his pleasure becoming too intense to control, almost primal. Dex's gaze never leaves his, as he licks a long line from the bottom of his cock to the top against Rays stomach. Then swallowing it whole, drinking the precum. Ray takes deep breaths. His whole body feels lit like a match, from the tips of his toes to his ears. 

“Dex. Ah. I’m gonna cum" Ray whines out, his body writhing on the couch as he slouches back. 

“It's okay, I don’t want you to ruin my couch. Come inside” Dex says, his voice yet again wrecked and passionate. Dex keeps swallowing around Ray's red and hard cock. Enchanted by the brown skin at his thighs, and abs on his stomach.

“Ruk Mat" Ray's Hindi slips out. When he comes, Dex manages to milk him dry with his mouth. Ray's fingers tighten on Dex's hair. He almost screams but muffles his moans into deep groans asthat he releases himself in Dex's apartment. 

Dex doesn’t let one drop of Ray's come spill. He licks him clean. Ray watches, mind blown and euphoric. His body buzzing with pleasure, as it slips out of him like a smoke from a chimney. Ray wondered what was next as Dex moved off his cock. He gets up and kisses Ray, leaning over him. Ray is lazy, fucked out, but Dex is energetic, moving his tongue erratically inside Ray's sluggish mouth. Swiping and sucking wildly at his tongue, when Ray realizes he must take care of Dex's hard member. 

He pulls Dex on top of him, both his legs bracing Ray's Naked thighs. Ray keeps the kiss going as he unbuckles the other agent. Dex gets off and removes his entire clothes, until he's naked, and very manly, Ray recognizes, but isn’t put off. His eyes traveling down to the most prominent difference between a man and a woman. Dex's cock stands up proudly. As pretty as the rest of him, full around the head and remaining thick down it's long length. 

“Lay on the couch" Dex does, and Ray gets rid of his pants, keeping his underwear, before he quickly mounts Dex. One of his legs against the couch back, the other coming off the couch. Ray sets his arm of both sides of Dex's head and gives the man a more charismatic kiss. Deep and sensual, he trails a down Dex's muscular and sculpted body, his nail brushing his nipple. He enjoys how Dex's breaths become unsteady. How his chest heaves and his waist lifts from the couch. 

Ray captures his cock around his hand. Gathering the precome and moving down the length. Now this was something he was familiar with. Dex whines a little. 

Ray notices how Dex never stops staring at him. Transfixed by him. Ray lowers his head licks Dex's left nipple, biting once. 

“Ray" Dex moans. Ray had never imagined his name to leave Dex's lip with such need and lust. 

“Shhh. I’ll tale care of you" he says. Speeding his movements around Dex's hardness, feeling the way in pulses in his palm before it squirts against it. Ray captures most of it in his palm. 

“Fuck" Dex squirms off the couch. Ray kisses him through it. His body clenched as it becomes lose with senses. Dex loves the way Rays mouth looks, the way Ray has gentle eyes, the way Ray kisses his forehead. 

Ray moves off and wipes his hand using the Soviet next to the couch. Dex looks incredibly enticing laid there naked in front of him, with his legs parted. Ray receives some even newer desires to take a man. 

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so annoyed at myself. I write on my phone. And I accidentally posted this chapter twice. Just edited it. I hope I didn't ruin it with sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments if y'all want more


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